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Grave Digger

A tight-lipped Drongo was being hammered after the News of the Screws fiasco in the UK, with many  people suggesting that he should join his old rival Bob Maxwell for a long drink.

* It should be noted that this style of passport was replaced in 2007 by the international standard that has a single full face image.

Cultural attache relaxes after diplomatic coup
Sir Les is rarely caught with his pants down

PIPs Squeak

Pox International Press (slogan: "The truth is out") released a statement earlier today but refused to take questions:
"All we have been doing is mining (sic) other people's business. Some people have taken this personally for reasons that are unclear. We have complete faith in our CEO, Drongo Digger, and are confident that he will be carrying on with his duties as normal. We have no further comment at this time."


Pox Epidemic 

It is generally understood that Pox originally surfaced in Australia some fifty years ago, first spreading to the UK and then to the USA. Pox is transmitted through the bad habits of the general public in handling grubby rags that contain the disease.


Pox can be carried by just a small number of individuals that notice few symptoms other than an insatiable craving for power and money. Other people may get infected through the rags that these carriers leave around and can suffer so much that they become severly depressed and even suicidal. Pox is very aggressive and doctors recommend that sufferers should try to keep out of direct limelight as this seems to aggravate the problem.


Recent developments in the fight against Pox include the identification of a Pox 'super carrier' and it is hoped that quaranting the super carrier will lessen the liklihood of contagion. Although Australia has been identified as the most logical place for such a quarantine, the Australian government are very much against the move since they are still recovering from the original outbreak many years ago.


Tense diplomatic talks are on-going at the highest level between the USA and Australia in order to resolve the issue. EDITORS NOTE. This is breaking news - please see below for the latest updates.


Drongoing Saga

A row over the citizenship of Drongo Digger threatened a complete breakdown in diplomatic ties as the USA attempted to extradite the Pox CEO to Australia. Only a last minute intervention by the cultural attache to Australia, Sir Les Patterson, with his renowned diplomatic skills prevented the situation from escalating further.


Exuding sophistication, charm and diplomacy in equal measure, Sir Les negotiated a confidential agreement without ceding any ground and was given a hero's welcome on his return to Australia.





Exclusive from Bill Abong - our correspondent Down Under


Bill: Welcome back Les. How was the trip mate?
Sir Les: Well Billy, lets just say I leaked some insider secrets to a couple of those foxy lady journalists in Washington - are yer with me? All you've got to say to the sheilas over there is that you come from down under and they'll bend over backwards for yer - if you get my drift.
Bill: Good on yer Les for sticking up for OZ. You've done us real proud mate.


Bill: You look thirsty Les - here's a cold one mate. So, what's the score with Drongo?

Sir Les: Cheers Billy. Well it looks like Drongo's staying put mate. The last bloody thing we want is that dopey bastard of a trouble maker let loose in this country again. We've got enough flamin' problems without Drongo revitalizing his scorched earth approach to our media - or what's left of it. Trouble is, the larrikin's about as welcome as a fart in a lift with our cousins stateside and the Poms are hell bent on settling old scores from years of being shafted by the bastard.

Bill: Bloody hell Les, how'd yer manage to swing that one? I thought it was odds-on that he'd be back like a crap-covered boomerang.
Sir Les: It was pretty easy really. All I had to do was point out that it was in both our country's best interests, since Drongo being extradited to Australia would have seriously lowered the average IQ of both countries. That had them worried, I can tell yer. Any more cold ones?

Bill: Here yer go Les. And they fell for that?
Sir Les: Cheers. Yep. Which proves the point I guess.

Bill: Un-bloody-believable! So it's all done and dusted?
Sir Les: Well... I got them to sign the agreement and had to high-tail it outta there like a 'roo on crack since those Yanks don't take kindly to being duped. They seemed pretty convinced by my reasoning and even said that they would pay us a return courtesy visit - fortunately they weren't sure where Australia was on the map so I had to show them.


Bill: Holy crapola Les, let's hope they don't decide on a visit to Sydney with the Sixth Fleet.
Sir Les: There's no worries there mate, but when the penny finally drops with my smart-arse IQ comment I'm pretty damn sure that something's going to hit the fan...



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