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Shills that Chill

 

 

To find out why you should extinguish the HST proposal: Extinguish HST

 

An exclusive interview with Premier Crispy Creme

Article by Sid Suckup - freelance journalist

 

Suckup: First allow me to compliment you on your wonderful dress sense, and I must say that you're very attractive.
Creme: Thank-you, that's very flattering.

 

Suckup: Will you sleep with me?
Creme: Of course not you creep.

 

Suckup: Fair enough, well I suppose that I should concentrate on the subject at hand. Why HST?

Creme: Let me first point out that this entire tax issue is very complex and well beyond the limited scope of your ability and for that of the general public to understand. Currently the public has to deal with two three letter acronyms, PST and GST, whereas the implementation of HST means that they have only one acronym to cope with. To emphasise this point, consider how people would cope with three taxes instead of the current two taxes - that would mean three three-letter-acronyms, and three TLAs is a TTLA which in turn is an FLA since TTLA is a four letter acronym, which in turn is a three letter acronym - so you can see how very complex this subject can get.

 

Suckup: I must say it has me bamboozled. This is obviously well beyond most people's level of intellect and I think it's admirable that you even bother trying to explain it to the public, but why not just call it the Tax Leverage Amount and kill two birds with one stone?
Creme: Obviously that was our initial inclination, however our marketing boys were sent out on a sponsored piss-up - I mean brain storming session - and they came up with the HST idea. They decided on the word Harmony since it has connotations of agreement and friendliness - the best $10,000.00 of tax payers money ever spent on a night out in my opinion. Instead of telling people that we're levering money out of their wallets we simply just need to point out how harmonious their life will be with this new tax system.

 

Suckup: Quite. You clearly know what's best so why not simply ignore the public frenzy that's been stoked up by a bunch of time-wasting trouble makers and just push it through?

Creme: Unfortunately our system of government has a few very irritating restrictions, so we had to spend a pile of the tax payers cash on TV advertising in order to get our message across to the little people. In an ideal world we should be able to do what we bloody well like once we have been voted in. Give it a few years and we'll stick HST up to 20% and everyone will just have to suck it up.

 

Suckup: So who exactly is supporting the move to HST?
Creme: Well, the big corporates are the first to get their noses in the trough when there is more cash coming into the government coffers, and of course the Chamber of Horrors act as shills for government and big business - so there's plenty of highly qualified and influential people on board already, although the Chamber have gone a bit quiet on the subject since their paying members are small businesses. Obviously if they start losing their members then they won't have a chamber pot to piss in - if you'll pardon the pun, and we need The Chamber to give us the low-down on the small businesses that they are supposedly representing.

 

Suckup: And why do you think the public seem to be so much against it?
Creme: They're not. You might see articles in the newspaper and websites full of complex arguments, but the Peter and Penelope Punters of this world just aren't interested. The thing is, anyone with just a minimal number of functioning brain cells should be able to spot the fact that if politicians, big business and the Chamber of Horrors are for it - then the assumption should be that it is NOT in the best interests of small businesses and the general public.

 

Suckup: So what will be needed to convince the public as to the benefits of HST?

Creme: The first thing that we need to do is muddy the waters with a complex debate for the die-hards and supported by simplistic TV advertising for the bottom feeders - a winning combination. We have a kind of teaser rate for our TV campaign - a 'limited time offer' with a special discount if the customers 'buy now'.

 

Suckup: I must say Ms Creme, you have put forward a very compelling argument in favour of HST and that I'll definitely be voting for the new single tax. Thank-you so much for such an enlightening interview.
Creme: Fine, but I'm still not going to sleep with you - that's a job for my intern.